Wednesday, 27 February 2013

What's left to keep us football fans entertained?

Realistically, the Premier League title race is over. Manchester United are 12 points clear and cruising to yet another title.

Much like in La Liga, where Barcelona made a phenomenal start to the season, basically winning the damn thing before Christmas as Real Madrid floundered domestically and Atletico failed to produce the kind of results necessary to compete with the Catalans.

Just like in the Bundesliga then really. Bayern Munich are on course for the highest points total in the history of the competition, with a goal difference more than double that of any other club in the division.

Even in Serie A and Ligue 1, Juventus and PSG are paving the way in 2 horse races with Napoli and Lyon respectively. The Italian giants sit 6 points clear of their closest rivals, while the arrival of Brazilian Lucas Moura in Paris has likely confirmed what we expected all along. You don't buy Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva without competing at the top of the table.

 premier-league-winners

So, what's left for us fans to think about? The vast majority of fans will either see their club sat midtable, safe from relegation but unlikely to threaten the top dogs any time soon. Fans of the domestic giants can look forward to a summer of celebration; the only competitions left to look out for are the knockout cups (obviously the Champions League will provide some high profile clashes). Other than that, the race for European spots and some final day nailbiting relegation scraps are all we have left to look forward to. Domestically, it's all gone a bit stale rather soon.

So perhaps we should spice things up a bit. Forget transfer windows, sod point deductions, and disregard personal safety. I'm talking some really hot hot sauce. Here's 5 ideas for the rest of the season:
  1. Offer a night with Kate Upton to the star performer in the current bottom 5.
  2. Prematurely wheel out Jim White on the final day of the season, channeling his deadline day energy into making the relegation scrap one that even Manchester United fans can truly care about.
  3. Temporarily incapacitate the Aston Villa squad, excluding Christian Benteke, and replace them with a midtable Sunday League side. Conduct a survey to see if anyone noticed (including Christian Benteke).
  4. Replace the Match of the Day pundits. This one is semi-serious; we all know Alan Shearer has said nothing of note since before the millennium, but an expert panel of Kimberly Wyatt, Ian Holloway and Robert Smith would surely have something more interesting to say than 'goals change games' or 'he almost hit that too well'.
  5. Cherish it while you can. After being spoiled rotten by the home Olympics and a pretty solid Euros, football fans will likely end up looking back on last year with fond memories, whilst shopping with the missus or doing hard labor in the garden when you could be inside watching Gary Neville's Season Review. There's no excuse this year boys.
 gary-neville

On a serious note though, none of Europe's top 5 leagues are shaping up into vintage title clashes. What will you be doing to make the next few weeks more interesting?

Jono Clarke
@windupfootball
www.windupfootball.com

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Half time thoughts on Barcelona vs Real Madrid...

el-clasico
  • Barcelona have now succeeded in looking horribly one-dimensional against both AC Milan and Real Madrid. We all know that they like to stick to plan A, but maybe utilising Jordi Alba and Dani Alves a bit more to provide some width would be of use.
  • Then again, committing a fullback forward is always a risk against Madrid. There is no side more dangerous flying at full speed on the break, which is perhaps why Barcelona are finding it so difficult to break down a congested central midfield.
  • Madrid have learned their lessons from years gone by. Nifty dribblers Messi, Iniesta and Pedro are struggling to draw fouls like they once did. Instead of pressing, Xabi Alonso and Sami Khedira are doing an excellent job of warding off any potential through balls with some expert positioning.
  • Gerard Pique is a good, not a great, defender. Discuss. 
  • It happens so rarely these days, but the Barcelona midfield looks short of options in the final third.
  • Angel Di Maria feigning injury has to be one of the most disgusting sights in football. The man looks like an overpriced cartoon impression drawn by a French street artist. Bleugh. 
  • Manchester United can only hope that Madrid are fatigued after 3 Clasico's between their Champions League ties.
It's 1-0 to Madrid by the way, through a Ronaldo penalty.

Jono Clarke
@windupfootball
www.windupfootball.com

MAKE LOVE, NOT FOOTBALL

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Monday, 25 February 2013

Chelsea lack the authroity of rivals Manchester City...

In years gone by, namely since the arrival of Cashbags McBramovich, Chelsea have always played with a certain pragmatic swagger seen only amongst the best of teams. The Arsenal Invincibles, or Manchester United throughout their 2008 Champions League winning campaign, immediately spring to mind. Jose Mourinho instilled this mentality amongst the boys in blue, and long has it lived through the likes of Lionheart JT and Ashley 'air rifle' Cole, amongst others who have since left the club. This season however, coming up against this Chelsea side doesn't seem all that scary.

Indeed, when defenders looked at the team sheet to see the name Didier Drogba spearheading the opposition, they would proceed to lose their collective cool for the next 90 minutes. The Ivorian put the fear of God into centre backs up and down the country simply unable to deal with the threat of an enormous battering ram moving with such inertia as to unhinge planetary orbits as he passed.
 

Then came Frank Lampard and Michael Essien, a combination of one goalscoring midfielder with a Midas touch, and another who once delivered the contents of a broken down freight train from Aberdeen to Stamford Bridge just in time for Christmas, stopping only once for some Gatorade and a bumper pack of spinach. Hell, we haven't even mentioned Jon Obi Mikel, the man who's father worked as a nuclear bomb shelter on weekends.

Then of course the defensive unit of Cole, Terry, Carvalho, Ivanovic and Cech. They could be described as a footballing equivalent of the Avengers, but none would accept the role of the obsolete and unnecessary Hawkeye.

 

So, what happened?

Drogba the mighty oak was replaced by an overpriced Spanish dandelion. Diesel got too expensive to make running Michael Essien sustainable. Mikel has been revealed as the incompetent, lazy pile of discarded fruit peel that he really is while the likes of Lampard, Terry, Cole and Cech are being ravaged by time. Most importantly however, Darth Mourinho has been inadequately replaced by a succession of Stormtroopers (even if noble Jedi Ancelloti and young padawan AVB did show some promise).

 

The swagger has vanished. The side looks flimsy, brittle and in places like an IKEA wardrobe sat between a vintage davenport salvaged from the wreckage of Titanic and The Picture of Dorian Gray. In other words, cheap wannabes cowering in the face of once powerful beings who still haven't moved on.

Chelsea cannot be winners, until they know that they are winners.

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Premier League Summer Transfer Guide

Everything and anything that Premier League teams will be in need of come next season, from player transfers to new managers...

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Premier League Summer Transfer Guide - Part 4

Parts 1, 2 and 3 can be found here, here and here...

Swansea

Letting Danny Graham leave this January in his transfer to Sunderland was a risk at best. The Swans look a tad light at the front, the rather inadequate Itay Schechter and his 14 appearances so far showing that another striker would be ideal, even if summer signing Michu can maintain his excellent form. Leo Baptistao, another Rayo Vallecano man, would be a wise investment.

Neil Taylor should hopefully return from injury next season, and another central defender could come in. Kyle Bartley and Garry Monk haven't quite lived up to the outstanding performances of the injured Chico Flores, so expect to see at least o e defensive reinforcement arrive at the Liberty Stadium this summer.


Although they have managed with only 3 convincing options in central midfield for the most part of this season, one finds it difficult to believe that Michael Laudrup will be happy going into next season light in the most important area of his team. It would be very easy to name names that could do a job for the Swans, but finding players able to slip straight into the system is another matter altogether. Chances are that the difficulty in finding such players is the reason only Leon Britton, Ki Sung-Yueng and Jonathan De Guzman could be seen as genuine options for the first team.

Laudrup will be trusted with funds necessary to strengthen his squad, ideally with the aim of pushing for a top 7 spot. Huw Jenkins however is a boring man by his own admission. It's unlikely that we will see any hefty fees paid for one single player, more bargains along the lines of former Celtic man Ki, or Spaniard Pablo Hernandez seem much more likely.

Tottenham

This could potentially be a very exciting summer for Tottenham fans. The first eleven already looks very strong indeed, and the addition of a striker capable of fluid movement across the frontline could launch this team into contention for a top two spot. The interchange currently occurring between Holtby, Bale, Lennon and Adebayor looks very impressive indeed; it can only improve as Bale adjusts to his newfound freedom.

Then again, looking at the entire squad, it seems a tad foolish to suggest that one player could make all the difference. On paper the likes of Scott Parker and Clint Dempsey are good players in their own right. The former enjoyed one of his best seasons last year, as did the latter as the main man at Fulham. Under the current regime however, Parker slows down play alongside Moussa Dembele to the point where he has Tottenham fans howling in pain at his trademark 17 point turn. Dempsey lacks the pace required to play as a genuine wideman like Aaron Lennon, or the vision to play in the centre of the park. I won't even mention Gylfi Sigurdsson.

 

Ideally, 3 signings should be made this summer by AVB and Daniel Levy. A striker who can move across the frontline, a backup winger able to stretch defenses, and a fullback to provide Kyle Walker with a much needed kick up the backside. If they are to move on any of Huddlestone, Sigurdsson or potentially Jake Livermore on loan, another midfielder able to maintain the pace should come in.

With their current rota, its difficult to say that another midfielder should come in for various reasons. Younger players such as Sigurdsson and Livermore need time to prove themselves, and despite Scott Parker's deficiencies, he adds some much needed experience to a relatively young side. Without being rid of a face or two, unless a player with CL experience comes up for sale, its doubtful that any moves will be made.

This is all conjecture anyhow. Daniel Levy will probably only crawl out of his hibernation pod at 9 o' clock on deadline day, so anything other than a good bargain that doesn't quite fit the system is out of the question.

West Brom

Next year is unlikely to be an exciting year for the Baggies. Steve Clarke is a big fan of 'organisation' and 'work ethic', which is code for sustained mid table obscurity. Then again, when the club gets a nickname like Boing Boing, just staying where you are is perhaps the best for all involved.

Anyway, a new striker will arrive as Romelu Lukaku returns to Chelsea and Peter Odemwingie is cast into the fiery depths of Wolverhampton. Maybe a young centre back or right back could arrive, possibly a new attacker to reinvigorate a strike force likely to lose 2 key men before the start of next season.

 

The early season success at The Hawthorns however was built upon a midfield crux of the impressive duo Claudio Yacob and Youssuf Mulumbu. The latter has been linked with a move away from the West Midlands in years gone by, but keeping hold of the pair whilst adding some backup should be a must for Steve Clarke. The Scot could do worse than watching out for any potential exits from Tottenham, Tom Huddlestone and Jake Livermore would both fit straight in.

West Ham

For all his detractors, Sam Allardyce will keep you alive in the Premier League. The manager builds his sides on a tried and tested formula, one that has achieves its goals with minimum fuss- say what you will about how pretty it is to watch, West Ham needed a quick return to the top flight and to stay out of a relegation scrap as best they could. Allardyce has achieved/is achieving this.

Unfortunately, the question of whether Big Sam can take them any further is one that I suspect Davids Gold and Sullivan already know the answer to. The style of football currently being played at the Boleyn Ground is one that rarely succeeds in modern day football, indeed it rarely guarantees any kind of domestic success in this day and age. It's not quite on the level of Stoke, but in no way could it be described as Tika-Taka. So, where do we go from here? Does Karen Brady whisper a seductive groan of gratitude in Sam's ear, only to see him off with a P.45 and a mild erection? Or do the chairmen continue to back Sam, to the eventual behest of the fans, only to realise that a shift in style (much like at Stoke actually) has become very difficult to achieve without a considerable turnover in personnel? We'll have to wait a while for an answer to that one unfortunately.

 

Anyway, a right back is what they need, along with a left winger and a striker. Guy Demel and Carlton Cole just don't do it for me I'm afraid. Summer signings Matt Jarvis and Modibo Maiga have failed to really impress, though maybe if they can get their hands on Andy Carroll for keeps, one of the aforementioned problems could well be fixed. Keeping hold of Mohamed Diame will be important regardless of who is at the helm come next season also.

Wigan

Hmmm. Who knows really. If they are to pull off yet another miracle, Roberto Martinez should really be granted the freedom of Wigan and a key to the city. If not, then a few cast offs with something to prove who won't inflate the wage bill beyond Championship proportions will be signed.

But let's look at the positives, shall we? Arouna Kone has been a successful signing, the midfield duo of McCarthy and McArthur have come on some, and Jean Beausejour always seems to ping in a few decent balls from the left. Unfortunately, 4 of their best players show off 3 of their biggest problems.

Kone has been good enough playing off the right in a front 3, unfortunately he has Franco Di Santo alongside him. When you're top scorer has 6 goals despite leaving for a chunk of the season to play for his national team, scoring goals is obviously an issue.

 

The two James' are pretty good players in their own right, combining well and knocking it around rather well at times. Without Mohamed Diame to balance out the style with some rugged, ball clenching substance however, the team has found it very difficult indeed this season to defend against counter attacking sides. As if they could get much worse at defending.

Then of course we have Beausejour. Averaging the highest key passes per game at 1.8, the Chilean, whilst still doing a job defensively, both he and Emerson Boyce are asked to operate up and down the entirety of their respective flanks. It takes one hell of an athlete to do such an intense job, unfortunately neither are quite quick enough to regularly push down to the byline. As a result, one or more of the front 3 tend to drop deep to create, leaving his strike partners a tad isolated at times. The current 343 formation may have served Wigan well when they had the likes of Victor Moses and Diame in their ranks adding a direct element to their game, as for now though it flatters to deceive.

So, really, what Wigan need this summer is a change in tactics. Add some muscle to that midfield too and they might just get by without spending 90% of the season in the relegation zone.

Friday, 22 February 2013

Premier League Summer Transfer Guide - Part 3

Parts 1 and 2 can be found here and here...

QPR

Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Like they need any more dross. Shipping out some of the deadwood should be a priority should they stay up or not, the wage hungry Jose Bosingwa typifying the kind of signing that QPR just shouldn't have made. Even perma-crock Andy Johnson is still knocking around, as are the likes of Robert Green and Jay Bothroyd. Of course, getting rid of these high earners will not be easy, rather ironically it will be harder if they stay up.

Prospects are pretty bleak at Loftus Road. If old 'Arry doesn't abandon them in the summer however, the might just be some light at the end of the tunnel.

 

The makings of a half decent side are there, Mark Hughes having made a couple of decent moves for the likes of Julio Cesar last year. Junior Hoilett, Loic Remy and Adel Taarabt all have potential as match winners, while experienced heads such as Bobby Zamora and Chris Samba are used to the perils of bottom half Premier League battles. Really, before they can even think about making any signings, QPR need to strip their squad of the mediocrity and free up some precious wages.

If they go down, however... Well, they're f**ked.

Reading

Assuming they stay up, loans. Without the financial clout to compete for more conventional signings, Brian McDermott will be keeping an eye on the likes of Manchester United duo Angelo Henriquez and Nick Powell. More likely, they will plunge back into the Championship ala Norwich, helped by the manager's extensive knowledge of the lower leagues.

Unfortunately for Reading, they do not have the same kind of appeal as Swansea. They lack the playing style plaudits, well known manager or the connections abroad that come with having such a man at the helm. As a result signings such as Michu and Pablo Hernandez that have proved successful for Michael Laudrup are somewhat out of bounds, meaning that McDermott will likely stick to the English market for his transfers.


A new keeper would be of use, perhaps a loan move for Stoke's Jack Butland could be on the cards. If they are willing to take the risk, Darren Bent is almost certain to leave Aston Villa come the summer, with a couple of QPR players looking a bit too good for the Championship if they themselves are to be relegated. Providing they drop their wage demands, Stephane Mbia or Samba Diakite could add some cut and thrust to Reading's midfield. A wise move for both parties would be a loan move for Tottenham's Jake Livermore.

In short, regardless of their fate this season, the team simply needs a couple of signings to freshen things up- whether that be in preparation for a promotion push or a relegation scrap.

Southampton

Provided they can keep hold of young talents such as Luke Shaw and Adam Lallana, Southampton could potentially push on towards mid table obscurity next season. Another marquee man along the same lines as Gaston Ramirez would be a welcome addition to the midfield to partner the impressive Morgan Schneiderlin, as would a winger and or striker capable of chipping in with a few goals.

 

More likely however is that Pochettino will look to sure up his side defensively as he has been trying to achieve since his arrival. If Rickie Lambert hangs around, the manager is unlikely to be given the financial backing to replace him, although lessons could be learnt from Grant Holt and his stuttering second season form at Norwich. Unlike at Reading however, the manager knows the foreign markets well, having ensured survival with Espanyol despite financial woes aplenty in seasons gone by.

Do not be surprised if one or two unfamiliar faces pop up from one of the many debt ridden clubs of La Liga.

Stoke City

If they want to keep playing hoofball, then another striker would be helpful. Peter Crouch is the wrong side of 30, Jonathan Walters works hard but can't play every game, and Kenwyne Jones might as well not be at the club for all his impact so far. Cameron Jerome hasn't exactly give Crouch much competition with one start to his name either.

A new left back would be ideal to replace the never quite good enough Andy Wilkinson, as would a left winger with Matthew Etherington contributing exactly nothing in terms of goals and assists this year. Stewart Downing, beware. A creative midfielder (ha) should be on the Potters' shopping list too, seeing as Charlie Adam has done little else but waddle around looking overweight and out of form since his arrival at the club.


On the other hand, if they want to play it risky and change their philosophy to something more Emma Stone and less Mrs Brown, then Pulis simply has to go. The man has taken Stoke as far as he can, with failed attempts to add some flair to the pragmatism such as Tuncay Sanli showing that he just isn't up to having his team play anything other than 'functional' football. Personally, I'd much rather see them stick to what they know, but evolution is something that always has to come around eventually. Even Big Sam has West Ham playing it through midfield every now and then, even if they end product is just a floating cross towards Andy Carroll's noggin. It would take more than a year, it would take some pretty heavy investment and it would almost certainly pose a threat to their Premier League status.

The big question: is it worth it?

Sunderland

They could throw a whole lot of money around without getting anywhere really. Keeping hold of star assets Simon Mignolet and Steven Fletcher will obviously be top priority, as will be finding someone- anyone really- who can take some of the pressure off of the latter. Danny Graham can only do so much, and a cut price move for Peter Odemwingie could be on the cards.

January transfer Alfred N'Diaye has added little to any already overstocked midfield, and so shipping out one of the underused David Vaughan or the walking risk Lee Cattermole could be an option. A new left back will also be a priority when Danny Rose returns to Tottenham from his loan spell. A new centre back will also be necessary now Carlos Cuellar and John O'Shea are another year older. Getting rid of Titus Bramble can only be a plus point.

 

Really I could go on and on forever about Sunderland, but I won't. Because if it were up to me about 7 or 8 of the starting eleven would go. Sorry Mackem fans, but it looks like you're doomed for another season of mid table mediocrity at best next year.

Part 4 to follow...